I think it's true. I only really write when I'm upset. This picture describes my mood exactly: dark, gloomy, alone. It's like a rain cloud is following me everywhere I go today. I don't even know why I'm upset. Searching for the right words is like taking a test I didn't study for at all. It's like writing an essay on a topic I haven't the slightest clue about.
Bonny once told me, "the past always comes up sooner or later". It seems as if all our recent arguments are because of the past. The scars we've been left with, the memories we're haunted by, the situations that seem so familiar. How do we get past it? How do we help each other heal from the pain? I don't even understand myself sometimes. Jealous of someone that doesn't even exist in his life anymore. Jealous of a dead relationship. But I really do want a "forever". I'm jealous that she had a 'forever" and I can't have a sincere one. I just want him to tell me forever. I'm naive, what can I say?
He brings out the worse in me. He makes me challenge things I've been avoiding. He makes me feel good when I'm feeling bad, makes me smile with the random kisses on my head, nose, cheeks. He pisses the hell out of me with his nonchalant attitude about some things. He gives me the chills with his kisses and makes me feel secure when his arms are around me. Annoys me with his "lol"'s, "i c i c"'s, and "yup yup"'s. Yet I know he's worth all my ups and downs.
Sigh. When I'm in my emo moods, it's so hard to climb back out. I just want to wallow around in my sadness. Climb in my bed and mope in the corner. Here's to moping in the library instead... *cheers*
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