It hasn't been an easy week. Maybe it was because of that stupid picture last night or maybe it's because my life is starting to quiet down, whatever it is, it's not making things easier. It's been a really tough day and before writing this blog, I asked myself whether I wanted to write it for you, to let you know what's going on, or for myself. After thinking about it for a few hours, I knew that I needed to write down my feelings. Without remember my down times, I would not be able to see how much I've improved. I can't always record my good times and try to keep this blog happy mood. I want to be able to go back to this blog in a year or so and remember how I went from breaking down every few weeks to moving on completely.
They say that happiness is the best revenge, and I couldn't agree more. I wish I could show you that I can be happy all the time without you in my life. What pains me the most is for you to find out how sad and upset I am. I don't want to let you know how much you've hurt me and how much pain you caused me. Seeing you move on with life so easily makes me want to show you that I can do exactly the same. It makes me want to hurt you, it makes me hate you. To see you go on with life so easily without me hurts me all the way to the core of my heart. I don't know how to deal with it and it simply consumes me every second. Even though I want to write this down for future reference, I also don't want to because I know you will read this. I feel like it's going to give you the satisfaction of how hard I'm taking this. Damnit. I wish I wasn't taking this break-up so hard. My life is really in the dumps right now. Or so it seems.
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